Beer Labels A Brief HistoryBrewstory A Short Story Less Than A Thousand Words But More Than Just A Picture
Will it ever stop?Just like his foot on the back of your seat, the citrus-forward hop aroma of this beer keeps going and going.
Seat Kicker IPA
Artist:Brett Nilsson Inspiration:An IPA with a citrusy bouquet that won’t quit, which is how the beer’s name and character were developed. Series: Annoying Airline-Related Characters, including"Sky Hag"and "Loud Lady"
It’s going to be a long flight. You heard her at the gate. Now, she’s sitting right behind you. You’re going to need a strong beer.
She hates you and her job. But, she gets to go to Paris twice a month. This beer’s as bitter as she is.
Free State Brewing Lawrence, KS
Mai means May and Bock is the German word for billy goat, naughtily known for its, heh heh, rambunctious behavior.
Inspiration: John R. Brinkley, medical charlatan and Kansas gubernatorial candidate Claim to Fame: In the 1930s the good "doctor" performed thousands of goat testicle implant operations, attempting to restore the virility of aging male patients. Charging $750 per procedure, Brinkley made a fortune, but eventually ran afoul of the American Medical Association, ending both his staggering performance of over 16,000 operations and the shortage of unwitting goat gland donors in the state of Kansas.
Ready to perform Operation Goat Gland, another miracle of medical quackery!
√ Scapel sharpened √ Patient anesthetized √ Billy goat neutered
Hop Hazard IPA
The label graphic tells one story and the text tells another. Yes, that's a hop bud stuck in the middle of a biohazard symbol, but the hazard is one of expectation of flavor, not toxicity of contents. Drinking Hop Hazard IPA won't cause blindness, paralysis, illness, or death, but don't expect it to taste like an aromatic and citrusy American IPA, because it's not: This beer is an English style IPA (India Pale Ale) brewed to the English style, but it is hopped up because it was brewed by a braggadocios Texas brewery. You won't find a pine forest or a grapefruit in this bottle of beer, because it is brewed with English Hops.
Board Meeting Brown Ale Port Brewing San Marcos, CA
It’s 6 AM and you have two appointments on your calendar for today. A Board of Directors meeting at 10 AM requires your attention. But Last night you got the call signaling a dawn patrol session this morning. Surf is out of the west and the swell is building. A morning stop for a cup of Joe on the way to the ocean’s edge has you fueled. Early morning surf report on the radio indicates clean conditions up and down the coast. A Parking lot surf check at the break confirms the conditions are perfect.
All systems go and your first board meeting of the day looks promising. You trade a neoprene wet suit and a brisk ocean paddle knowing full well later you’ll be surrounded by stodgy old men and fussy women sitting in over stuffed leather chairs reviewing corporate minutes as the smell of pastries and burnt coffee hang in the air. It’s a scene that repeats itself year after year. But none of this bothers you anymore. Life taught you early on not all board meetings are created equal.
Vas Dererens Belgian-Style Ale
The story challenge here is a beer label so beyond bizarre that this page's subtitle limit of less than a thousand words risks being exceeded in order to try to explain it. (No attempt, however, to justify the label will be made, due to the disturbing nature of both the graphic and name.) First of all, a male anatomy lesson: The vas deferens transport sperm to the ejaculatory ducts in anticipation of--wait, wait, here it comes-- ejaculation! Unfortunately, that species propagating and male pleasuring process is cut off, at least as pictured, by a horned red devil surgical bot descended from, we can only assume, the depths of Dante's Inferno. It is not known whether the devil bot bit the vas deferens tubes in two, or if he pulled them apart, but there is no doubt that blood is gushing from them, and because of the irreparable tubule breach, spermatozoa will be unable to flow through them ever again. The devil bot has, for all practical purposes and posterity, surgically performed a vascectomy. So, what's the connection between a horned red devil bot biting or pulling apart vas deferens and a Belgian-style ale brewed by Caldera in Ashland, OR? Well, the beer is, according to the label, brewed with blood orange zest, so there's that. Other than that, the beer ingredients, according to the label text, include a little snip of this and a little snip of that, which is how a vasectomy is performed (unlike the graphic), and the beer is a rare release, and so not meant to reproduce, as a vasectomy patient is not meant to do. So, there you have it--undoubtedly the widest metaphorical stretch ever to try to connect what's on a beer label with what's in a beer glass.
Caldera Brewing Ashland, OR
Caldera's Vans Deferens Ale is a Belgian-style ale with a unique twist incorporating a little snip of this and a little snip of that. This is an extremely rare release, as this ale is not meant to reproduce.
Fireside Chat Winter Seasonal
Like FDR’s Depression-era radio addresses, which were like a kick in the butt and a hug at the same time, our Fireside Chat is a subtle twist on the traditional seasonal brew. We begin with a rich, dark, English-style ale and then we improvise with spices until we know we have a beer worth sharing with the nation.
Inspiration:The series of radio broadcasts given by President Franklin D. Roosevelt while in office during the Depression and World War II. These broadcasts between 1933 and 1944 were called fireside chats because Roosevelt spoke in a cheerful voice directly to the citizens, as if each one were a friend sitting with him chatting in a cozy living room. Through the 30 radio broadcasts FDR communicated intimately with the American people during one of the most difficult times in the nation's history. Theme:Celebrate the Right To Be Original: The independence of craft breweries in the context of events and icons of U.S. history. The themes of originality and independence on 21st Amendment cans and 12 pack cubes began with the name of the brewery itself, which was the Constitutional Amendment liberating the nation from the tyranny of Prohibition. Designer: TBD Advertising Bend, OR Technique: Rather than the traditional front and back of a can, continuous wrap around text and graphic designs are used to tell each story.
San Francisco, CA
If you’d been rocketed into space against your will, you might be a little bitter too. Bitter American is our long-overdue tribute to unsung, unwitting heroes everywhere.
Like Lady Liberty, we stand for independence and perseverance. In the pursuit of innovative beer, there is no obstacle too great. No journey too long. No fruit too gigantic.
Inspired by Paul Revere’s midnight ride, we rebelled against the British style IPA, embraced the more aggressive American version and then recast it in bold, brave, defiant black. Our Black IPA is a Declaration of Independence from the tyranny of the expected.
You might not expect a Saison in winter. But the enemy didn’t expect Washington to cross the icy Delaware, either. Expectations be damned, we say. We’re sneaking up on winter with a boatload of bravado and this Belgian-style farmhouse ale.
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